I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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