i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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