she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
