420 ftw
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
