Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(269): View more from Michigan

Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".

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(607): View more from New York

I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.

Fav 12 5002 1119
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(443): View more from Maryland

This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.

Fav 17 5279 1279
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(716): View more from New York

I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.

Fav 25 6252 1524
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(410): View more from Maryland

i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.

(443): View more from Maryland

do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?

Fav 12 2638 903
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(586): View more from Michigan

He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.

Fav 8 1808 889
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(864): View more from South Carolina

Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship

Fav 0 221 280
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.

Fav 0 38 26
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