i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
