Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
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The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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