It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
