my sisters under your porch take her home
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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