You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
