Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
where am i from again
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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