Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
