As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
