Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
