you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
