you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
