Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
