dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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