WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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