wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
