So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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