you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
