Only a mothe r could love this liver
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
