I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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