He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
