Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
