I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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