i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
