why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
