I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
