Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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