Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
