I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
