i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
