my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
