its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
