you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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