what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
