I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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