See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
