I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
