she was so not down for the gang bang
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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