I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
3pm strippers are depressing
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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