I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
