Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
