dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
