5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
