Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
