I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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