and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
