oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
