why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
