I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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