Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
