dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
