Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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