I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
