Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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