I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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