i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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