I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
