Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
