If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
