dude i'm inner monologue high
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
