I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
