It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
